BY: Kerensa Smith
When it’s time to join groups of parents, I often struggle with what group to fit in the best. I have adult children, a high schooler, middle schooler, elementary, and preschooler. Some of my children are neurotypical and some have special needs. One step further, my children are also different racial groups. With all that said, I often struggle with what group of parents I relate to the best. Am I too old, too young, too busy since I work part time, too out of the loop since I work part time, too strange to some since I have chosen the adoption of special needs children, or just not ‘Christian” enough since I can’t quote the Bible like some. What I do feel though is blessed? Each of my children have taught me something unique about life, myself, and God.
Many often tell me that my adopted and foster children are blessed to have me in their life. Admittedly, my skin cringes every time this is said to me. I am the one blessed to have them in my life. They bring me joy and I love all the small accomplishments as they grow and get new skills. They challenge me to advocate, learn, and adjust my life to make theirs better. I’ve learned to never place myself first, but to look at others needs first. I have been told I can’t save them all, but just like Jesus explained with the sheep when he left the 99 to save the 1. It was the one that needed help as he was in danger. Children with special needs are even at a greater risk for abuse and neglect. As my heart was struggling years ago, I kept hearing a small voice reminding me to protect the children. I never dreamed that small voice was going to be shouting at me with blessings and reminders every day during some of my days that I struggle the most, to know whose voice it is. Blessed. I am blessed beyond measure that these boys keep me grounded in Him.
Blessed. I am blessed beyond measure that these boys keep me grounded in Him.
Parenting a child with special needs isn’t always easy and can definitely feel isolating at times. It is hard to want your child to be accepted by everyone, because you know they have so much to offer. At the same time, I see the looks and am often left questioning the meaning behind many of those looks. Is it pity? Is it irritation because he doesn’t act as calmly as he should? Is it dismay because they are of a different color? It is in those times that I remind myself that they are mine. God gave them to me and I am following His will to parent them and raise them to trust Him. It is my responsibility to teach my children to follow God’s will for their lives and maybe one day the rest of the world will learn acceptance through their example.
Therefore, as I struggle to figure out which group I should join, I need to remember I am in the group that God planned for me. It’s my own group as a mom of 6 beautifully different and special children. Each of them were made in His image and have so much to bring to the World. Do I need a tribe of people to be there for me and hold me accountable in certain areas? Yes I do, just as I need physicians for medical advice and teachers for education. Together we can make the changes that are needed to make the world a better place for others who aren’t like everyone else. I know our adoption and fostering already has made wonderful changes to our three biological children, brought some amazing friends to us, and made me the mom God wanted me to be. Do I still have room to grow? Of course I do and I look forward every day to the challenge He gives me. I am not perfect or the blessing I need to be to my children. I need to be so much more in my daily walk with God, but I know He knows my heart and knows I am trying.
About the Writer:
Kerensa Smith is a biological, adoptive, foster mother to 6 amazing children. When she's not busy with them, she enjoys working as a Speech Language Pathologist. Her and her husband, Randy, have been married for 30 years and the best way to describe their relationship is balance. In her free time, she enjoys reading, running, camping, and beach vacations.